I'm tired. I'm tired of acting like I'm ok in front of others today. I wanna break down and start crying so bad. But there's a limit, a limit that friends can take and be willing to listen and comfort. So I can't. I have to hide it in the whole day. Now that I'm no longer in front of any friends, I'm dying inside. I can't. I can't help but to think of you everytime I see or hear something that reminds me of us. All the "what ifs" constantly flooding my mind. Today, today was the day when all our "next times" were supposed to happen. I can't help to regret sending that particular text which made you decide to talk the next day. Even though I knew I kinda saw it coming..but maybe just maybe things could have changed, just as how I've hoped it will all the long. But it's too late now. Everything has happened. Everything is over. It's too late. Too late for regrets. Too late for anything at all. It's more difficult now trying to force myself to eat, to try and nurse my body back..it wasn't as though it was already challenging for me before this. Oh but no worries about that, I have to eat after all, I can't let it show that I'm affected in any way. I'll be strong in front of ppl. I will. This too shall pass. I wanted to hope that we'll go back as good friends as before, or maybe even closer. But is that possible after how I sent the text so that you can't have anything to reply, to force myself..to stop myself from possibly affecting you..? But you know what? I'm scared of hoping anymore. So, I shall not hope for anything at all. I shall not.

Iris
26th Jan 1994
Sec 2
ex-hildian
DHS
Lectra(:
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air weapon(AWC)

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