*~blue--star~*

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

Alright that's it Iris Seah. Enough. Haha I've got to stop being so pathetic. I'm not gonna die because of this. And I'm not the only one having a difficult time. It's hard, it's painful, but I've gotta suck it up.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

You never had time to go out with me..but it seems like you do when it comes to other people. It's so obvious, I know where I stood..I know how little I meant you. But I didn't say. I couldn't mutter a word. I kept denying. I kept living in self denial. I used to wonder why some people couldn't let go of someone and why they were so weak. Now I understand. It was because that person meant so much..it was beyond their control. "Don't they have friends or other people who mean alot to them too? Why are they so affected then? " But now I get it, yes they do have friends who mean alot..but that special place can't be replaced by just anyone. "Aiyuh, just get over it and distract themselves then. It's not the end of the world. Why so despo like that?" Now I can comprehend, they try to distract themselves..it's not like they don't. But sometimes they just can't. They can't control their feelings, how much they value something or someone that they are willing to lower their pride just to try their luck at getting back what they have lost. Maybe it's payback time..for judging others. And now it's my turn. Lol. This too shall pass iris. This too shall pass.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

It's funny how everyone who knows about this tells me that it's ok. That it wasn't worth it for me to give so much, to try so hard for you. But they don't understand, do they? They don't see you like the way I do. They don't know how amazing you are in my eyes. They can't understand why I like you so much. Well...I don't either. But all I know is that I do.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

I'm tired. I'm tired of acting like I'm ok in front of others today. I wanna break down and start crying so bad. But there's a limit, a limit that friends can take and be willing to listen and comfort. So I can't. I have to hide it in the whole day. Now that I'm no longer in front of any friends, I'm dying inside. I can't. I can't help but to think of you everytime I see or hear something that reminds me of us. All the "what ifs" constantly flooding my mind. Today, today was the day when all our "next times" were supposed to happen. I can't help to regret sending that particular text which made you decide to talk the next day. Even though I knew I kinda saw it coming..but maybe just maybe things could have changed, just as how I've hoped it will all the long. But it's too late now. Everything has happened. Everything is over. It's too late. Too late for regrets. Too late for anything at all. It's more difficult now trying to force myself to eat, to try and nurse my body back..it wasn't as though it was already challenging for me before this. Oh but no worries about that, I have to eat after all, I can't let it show that I'm affected in any way. I'll be strong in front of ppl. I will. This too shall pass. I wanted to hope that we'll go back as good friends as before, or maybe even closer. But is that possible after how I sent the text so that you can't have anything to reply, to force myself..to stop myself from possibly affecting you..? But you know what? I'm scared of hoping anymore. So, I shall not hope for anything at all. I shall not.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

I knew that text would put you off and not reply. And yet I sent it. Or maybe, that was why I sent it. Some part of me knows that I've got to do that..or I'll simply continue texting you. Yet another part of me is regretting it so damn bad now. Because I've forced myself to not be able to text you for this period of time. Which I know is gonna be so bloody difficult and painful for me. Everyone says time will heal. I really hope it does.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

Hurt yourself to the point where you have to let go. That's how to do it the fastest way. I figured out that the slow way would probably gonna affect you and so I shall not do it anymore. Went to the place today and sat at your seat. To try and see your point of view at that time. To hurt myself to the point I feel numb. Didn't planned to go there at all..but it was so near my house and there was time..so I found myself walking there, to the way that I believe I'll be able to let go the fastest.

Friday, June 15, 2012♥

Because of you ; again.

It's time to wake up now iris. It's time I should. I shouldn't hope at all anymore for that will only cause me more hurt. You won't do anything anymore. You've made up your mind. So I need to stop hurting myself. I love you, but I've got to let you go. That's the only choice you left me with. I can't do anything but that. I can do this. I need to be strong. I can. I have to.