*~blue--star~*

Friday, April 08, 2011♥

Because of you ; again.

Life's so amazing.

One moment you're crying your heart out over something and the next you can be laughing and wondering why you cried over such a small matter.

But no matter how I feel next time I'm feeling really low now.

And somehow I dont know how to tell anyone around me. So I have to resort to venting everything here.

Really I dont know what has becomed of me these days. I've become so weak and confused all the time. Where is the Iris a few years ago? I can be filled with determination and passion for a moment and the very next I would give it all up. Why?

Maybe its because I'm scared? Scared of losing a memory so dear and impt to me?

There was/is always a special place in my heart for netball somehow.

Cause that was the time I was filled with confidence, overcomed so many fears and even achieved some success.

Now? Ha. Because of this super fear growing in my heart, I cant play well, cant shoot well and even quit netball.

Actually maybe if I persuaded my parents a little harder. If I could study a little harder. If I was a little smarter. Maybe, maybe I wont be in this position now.

I dont know how to face the ppl in netball.><

But now all I know is that I'm really tired and really cant cope with my work load anymore.

I'm so lost and confused.

Somehow I think my confidence level is like close to zero now.

I stutter when I talk to strangers.

I don't even dare to look into the eyes of people I talk to.[unless you're close to me]

I dont want to get too close to the ppl I like cause I know I'm a person who will make them sad.

I give up before trying.

I really need a listening ear to simply listen to my whinings.

But I really dont want to irritate or disappoint those ppl I like.

I really want the ppl I like to be happy.

Gahhhhhhhhhh. This is so fustrating!!!):

But I'm sure all this will be over soon.

I'm sure I would regret all the decisions I make now.

Cause I always do. All I do is regret and whine and not do anything about it.

But for now, I will just take it that I have no other choice.

For now, I will just take a little break.

For now. & then I will change for the better.

I hope it would be pretty soon.

I hope I will have the motivation to do so then.

I cross my fingers and toes. & really really hope with all my heart.