*~blue--star~*

Wednesday, April 30, 2008♥

Because of you ; again.

Lols. Ok. The emo post before and now the happy happy post!(:

Hahahahaha. Wad luh! I weird cannot mehh!

Lols. hmmm. Dead blog luh. =/

i killed it. so what. murder then murder luh. At least I saved it.

And i updated my blog lerrrrrrr.

So, those ppl who asked me to update in my blog, i did it!(:

yay. And sofinanana. HYPERmates doesnt mean cannot be hyperly emo also rite!

hahahahaha. No rule de k. *smacks head!*(:

And that reminded me of Sabrina! wahhhhhh. smack so many times! Nvm. i will get my revenge de!(:

Yesturday went to Air weapon training. And Chantalle and Saby went too!(: too bad sofina didnt luh.=(

Nvm. hahahaha. Hypermates are really like the sweetest ppl in awc luh!<3>

Ttw, me, laura!(:

Giraffeee drawn by shixun!(:

Superrrman! saby and me!(:

bloodbank. lols.

Class outing(:

Hearts.<3 (Shixun)

Emo path. lols. outside class.

Thats alll!(:

Wednesday, April 30, 2008♥

Because of you ; again.

This post aint gonna be happy. So if u dun like unhappy or emo or whatever shit u call it. Go away now. Dont come complaining to me that my blog too emo or whatever. I didnt ask u to read it.

I hate it. Seriously hate it when im not happy. Its like you look at the world around you with people happily smiling and laughing and all and you just wished you could join in. You stare at their happy faces and look to the mirror and see that sad face looking back at you. Its horrible. But its at least better than faking smiles like me. Its like you're hurting real badly deep in your heart and you still have to fake smiles for people whom maybe you dont actually really give a damn about. Its horrible when all you wanted in your heart was to cry out to someone close to you but you actually just simply faked a smile and said that you're ok. Its horrible when all you wanted was to shout vulgarities at people you really hated or had hurt you but you had to act nice and just smiled it off and walk away pushing everything right down into your heart again. Its horrible when people think that you're great and you know deep in your heart that actually you were acting all the long. Its horrible to see people getting hurt because of what you did which actually you didnt mean it at all and dont know why you actually did it. Its horrible when you have almost no choice but to lie and cover up about what you do just because you dont have the damn pathetic courage to face the music. And all this horrible shit is actually part of my life.

I keep asking whats life about anyway. Dont you people think that its kinda in a dream like thingo. Its like one moment you're crying over something and the next moment you realised that you're actually laughing at yourself for being so stupid last time and wasted so much time whinning and crying over some small matters. Its like there are two different people in yourself like there are two different "me"s. Sometimes you even scold yourself for being so dense in the past. Its weird. Life's weird. I dont understand at all. I wonder to myself many times if what I'm doing now is a waste of time. Would the future "me" be angry with the decisions i make now? What's the purpose in life anyway? Its so stupid. Tsk.

Everytime I see unknown couples holding hands smiling so sweetly and saying lovely stuff. I would just smile to myself. I see people's msn nick talking about love and stuff. I smile again. Why? Cause I know that the result would always be the same. After a few months, their msn nick changed drastically. "I love you forever" ? Forever? you sure? think again. But you cant blame them. Cause love's a complicating thing. When people say they love each other, do they really mean it? First thing first. What's love? Tell me cause I dont know. Tell me cause I thought i knew, but i realised i dont. I find it abit weird for people to stead now and then break like awhile later? And then go emo and stuff. But gosh. Nobody can stop love. [ok wait..this's getting kinda guai lan. lols. stop ler.]

Where are you? I need you and i want you..

Friday, April 18, 2008♥

Because of you ; again.

I've been crying for 15 mins already.Just when I was happy for myself for not crying for 5 days straight.I cried.

Why am i so damn weak and sensitive.I shouldnt be. I really gotto change.

And you were the last person whom i once thought who would ever wanted me sad.I was wrong. I always am.I dunno what i want now. Really.I just keep crying. Damn it. i should really stop.

But it hurts in the heart. much worst then physical wounds and cuts.

I hate it.

Calling me and my friends a bunch of huskies? Aint that calling me a bitch? I can read for goodness sake. But i gotto agree with u. im a bitch. But not my friends.

Love's a fucking bitch. I cant believe i got hurt because of love when i didnt even love. Make sense? No. But its a fact.

Saturday, April 05, 2008♥

Because of you ; again.

lalalala. Im bored.

So since im not emo, i shall make up for my dead blog and post.(:

yay. hahahahahaha.

Went to church just now.(:

glory comes through sufferings; happiness comes through sorrow.

i love you, God.

Saturday, April 05, 2008♥

Because of you ; again.

Hahahaha. its been a longggggg time since i blogged. >.<
heh hehhs. sorry. Cause I didnt want to put another emo post on my blog.
so i waited till i not that emo till i post.(:

Heh hehhs. Lots of things happened luh. Some good..some bad. yupps.
I suddenly realised that as long as I tried my best, its ok. And whats happening nw's just a story that i would tell to my children in the future. i think. lols.

I find the taiwan ppl really nice. as in..seriously really really really damn nice luh. >.<
lols. yupps. ytd was fun.(: Went to laura's house after her cca with tingwei and her buddy.
fun fun fun. stayed till like 12 then my parents came to fetch me and tingwei with angelica.
dinner was pizza hut with lots and lots of other food. lols. fat fat fat. =/
laura's family is seriously cool luh. hahaha. her parents are like really nice. plus her bro was really sweet. like he knew laura's bringing her frens over and her actually bought snack for us. its the thought that counts.(:
hahahhaa. And really some ppl just makes my life a better thing. <3

ohh yeah..and something else..
To some ppl that i accidentally hurt because of what i done/said..im really really really sorry.
maybe i cant ask for forgiveness but..i really want u to know..that i really dont mean it and im sorry.

Somehow im like getting confused ler. i dunno why..hais. i felt something in my heart again..the same feeling i felt..something i have been trying to avoid for almost 4 months.. cause i think its too painful. but somehow..im not sure if i can push tt feeling down this time. i dunno why. u just keep invading my mind..and i just knew u. im crazy. nvm. i shall try to push it down again. cuz i dont think its possible.

Labels: i dunno why im going crazy.