Saturday, February 16, 2008♥
Because of you ; again.
hahaha. wow. my previous post's crazy. lols.
bet u guys wun read it to the end. If u do..hahahaha. time to get dizzyyyy.
wow. and i just realised how much i twit last time. goshhhh. at least im improving nw. no more tuuu. no more ish. no more andd. hahahhaa.
Friday, February 15, 2008♥
Because of you ; again.
i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life.
i seriously hate my life. i hate everything part of it. everything. hate hate hate hate hate. i hate myself. i hate my family. i hate school. i hate many ppl. i hate my life. i hate everything.
i simply dont see the point of living luh. whats the point of living luh. i strive so hard to live life. i tried so hard to study. i still die one day. so whats the use? whats the use of working so damn hard when u noe u will die one day. who knows? maybe u will die tmr.
This is pure crap i tell u. Sometimes i really just get so pissed off with life. Sometimes i try so hard to impress the ppl around me. but everytime i try so hard. i fail. i give up. seriously i do. i no longer care about results. i no longer care about what ppl think of me. i no longer care if ppl hate me or whatever. i dont give a fuck. Sometimes i really do study very hard. i try very hard to study. and when i do that i would set a high expectation of the result to be good. but whats the use. study or dont study. also the same bloody results. its useless right. Although sometimes u see me duncare and everything. sometimes i really really try my best to study. but i just fail to do well. i really give up now. i give up trying to keep up with the already high expectation u set for me. u made it sound so easy to meet with all the expections. why dont u try? u want me to do oh so well in studies. the degree honours aint enough for u. u want me to do oh so well in piano. u expect me do play well. u expect me to do well in sports. u want me get a medal back for air riffle. u want me to do everything well. why dont u try. since u think its so easy. u do it. when i come back late for cca, u scold me. when i stay up late to study, u scream at me. when i practise too much of piano, u complain. then how the fuck to u expect me to do everything. im me. im not some genius or super gal out there. and then at times in the middle of the night u catch me sobbing. u lecture me. u expect me to be happy when u are controlling my freaking life and depriving me of my childhood? wow. since young. since i learnt how to talk. i remember how high the expectations were. that time i still can meet with the expectations. i studied so hard for u since young. cause u forced me to. p1 i got first. p2 i got first. then i went to the best class. p5 i still got first. p6 i got 260. sec one. i could no longer take it. u chose this school that i told u i hated. u chose the cca that wasnt on my chosen list. u made me play piano. i hate u. u are the main reason why my life is so miserable. some ppl think that you're oh so nice and caring. but i think not. you're just so selfish. its not like you dont know i hate what u chose. i told u how i felt when i wrote some letter to you. u reply with some crap lines and thats all. ppl ask why i hated going home. why i always hang around but not go home. the reason's u. i will find all the excuses i will say all the lies that i can. but i will never be happy to go home. i hate u.
Maybe if i was a nerd or something my life would have been really much easier.
Im tired of acting everyday. like im really oh so happy and stuff. cause im not. Everytime after being emo, i would try acting happy again. but im always never really happy. In fact..now im having some difficulty comunicating with my friends face to face. i really dont know why. but just this year im like..when i sit with them..i got nothing to say. im getting very depressed over that too. i feel left out. Sometimes i really dont get the joke that u ppl think its funny. I dont know why. But yeah..
I found out that when other ppl finds out that you're sad..its always the same thing. first day:" why u sad for what? tell me luh." second day:" you ok anot? why so emo? crazy ar?" third day:" still emo ar? oh sorry. i busy now. i gtg." Its always the same thing. And i hate it when ppl ask me why im sad. Some ppl are simply so interested in knowing the story why im sad. They probably find it interesting. like a free show maybe. seeing me so emo and sad and crying. But if they are friends, i realise that they would avoid me cause im sad. avoid me like im a disease until i get happy again. those aint true friends. they are just simply finding ppl to make their life happier. Oh yeah. and i realised how much i hate those ppl who only go for looks too. esspecially when they themselves aint even effing gd looking. they critise about other ppl. If you are one of these ppl, why dont you go stare at yourselves in the mirror and start critising yourself. try changing your look, make yourself oh so good looking. then open your oh so golden mouth and then start critising about other ppl. i dont know how u ppl gonna change your look and make yourself look good. erm..maybe tear of ur skin and change it with some angelic looking person? and then maybe cut out your heart and change it too. cause so far all the bitches and bastards i see, although they are gd looking, everytime i see them i feel like puking or punching their bloody faces, cause their character aint nice.
I find writing all this in blog useless. telling about ppl your life. whats the use of it. even if some ppl really cared. they wanna help. even if i tell them why im sad. they cant do anything. so why dont ppl just try cheering sad ppl up instead of demanding for a reason. whats the use of saying you understand how i feel when u're not even me. when you dont even go through what i go through when you dont even feel the pain i feel. because you dont understand..please..dont say you do. And ppl whom i dont really know well and just want to act like you care, please..dont go saying: " oh you so poor thing! awww..i feel sad for you too. u sad i sad." this kind of shit. cause i dont need your sympathy. In fact i feel much worst when u ppl say those stuff. if u ppl just say a simple ok and leave me alone to cry and get over with it. i would feel much better.
But i would like to say a simple thank you to all those ppl who are really so nice to try cheer me up. Sometimes you ppl would really make me smile.(:
Ok. maybe now i should just shut up and stop whining like a small kid. I think this would most likely be the last post on this blog cause i might be doing away with this blog le. Cause i dont see the point of telling other ppl what happened in ur life cause its useless. yeahh? hahaha. so this marks the end of my emo post.
Labels: emo.